I try, as much as I can, to remain a positive person. I am more of a glass half full, than a glass half empty kinda gal because I can enjoy more of life that way, and I try not to let the little things get me down.
But every now and again I get a huge wave of negative thoughts that come over me.
WHY BOTHER WRITING A BLOG? EVERYONE IS DOING IT NOW ONLY THEIRS LOOK MUCH BETTER.
WHY BOTHER GOING TO THE AUDITION? THEY ARE ONLY GOING TO PICK THE PERSON BASED ON THEIR LOOKS ANYWAY.
WHY START A YOUTUBE CHANNEL? IT’S NOW NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO EARN ANY MONEY FROM IT.
All of these things do have a lot of truth in them.
I trained as an actor and I struggle on a daily basis in the oversaturated industry. I don’t bother applying for some auditions because I have no interest in the job. I don’t see the point in spending time and money going for a job which pays below minimum wage with zero exposure in the industry. Previously I’ve done far more exciting jobs which have helped me to improve my acting talents as well as given me a great credit for my CV and paid decent money.
I have a blog and YouTube channel and although I feel as though I can create some half decent content on these platforms, EVERYONE is doing it nowadays, which makes me think, who is really going to read/watch the things I make? 16 year olds are far more skilled at editing videos and creating thumbnails. Some people have a lot more money to invest in fancy equipment. And while my boyfriend bought me a fab camera for Christmas a couple of years ago, I don’t have a tripod or any lighting equipment. The double doors in my kitchen for lighting and a small pile of boxes is still my very basic set-up.
So why bother? Why spend all this time and energy on something if it’s not going to go anywhere?
But then I remember back to the first time I ever stood backstage in a theatre. I was 7 years old in a theatre in Harrogate, about to walk onto the stage, and it all comes rushing back to me. Because I love it. I may not gain the success and money that others seem to be achieving, but that was never why I started in the first place.
It’s easy to see what others have and think OMG I WANT THAT LIFESTYLE but actually, a 7 year old me couldn’t care less the “glamour” that comes with the job like designer clothes or being on the front cover of magazines. She just liked the rush of standing under the spotlight surrounded by costumes and set and seeing the audiences faces, (just about as I hadn’t got my glasses at this point) smiling back at her.
And as I sit here tapping away at my laptop, I actually feel really happy. I love being able to express myself and write down and share my thoughts with the world. When I’ve finished a blog post or just uploaded a YouTube video, I feel so proud that I’ve created something. From writing to filming to editing to making thumbnails and even just thinking of new ideas fills me with joy because I get to use my creativity.
And then there are times when I have received a positive response for something I’ve created. And wow, that is an amazing feeling. Similar to the smiling faces of the audience, a mini me saw in a theatre in Yorkshire, I absolutely love that something I do, can bring joy. I love that people can actually enjoy reading/watching content I’ve created. When someone I used to go to school with likes the blogpost I’ve shared on Facebook, it makes my day. If someone sends me a message on Instagram to say that they love reading my blog, it honestly means the world. Every time I get one more subscriber on my YouTube channel or even one more like on one of my videos I feel so happy.
If I only wanted to be a blogger because I wanted to be invited on fancy press trips and live in a Zoellaesque dream house, I might as well quit now, as chances are, these things will never happen.
If I only went to auditions with the aim of being invited to Leonardo DiCaprio’s Cannes Festival after-party, sipping champagne with Kendall Jenner, it would be best to stay asleep, as this will likely stay a pipe-dream.
If we focus on the real reason why we are following our dreams and pursuing our passions, we can find happiness in the small achievements and little wins. We can enjoy the the journey rather than waiting to arrive at a dream destination which may never materialise.
So let’s make our glasses half full by remembering why we started. By pouring our hearts and souls into something we love without the expectation that we will receive a reward in return.
We should also start supporting people who are working hard at their dreams. Cheering on our friends, peers and even strangers. If we enjoy something, let’s not stay silent. Championing something someone else has done, doesn’t take anything away from you, but it may give them an extra special boost or bit of motivation they have been lacking.
If you like something someone does, don’t keep it a secret. We all need to start cheering each other on more because in a world which can be filled with hate and anger, we could all do with being a little nicer. Kindness costs nothing, so we should sprinkle it everywhere.
So hang in there if you love something. I believe in you, so start believing in yourself.
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